Are The Shades of Longbourn to be Thus Polluted?: Five Daughters Out At Once - Excerpt & Giveaway!

Hello again, my dear Janeites! 

Those of you following my blog tour will know that my eighth novel, Five Daughters Out At Once, is coming to Kindle on April 7th!

This Austenesque mash-up finds the orphaned Bennet sisters saved from the hedgerows by an unlikely savior, Lady Catherine de Bourgh - the formidable widow has been obliged to leave Rosings Park, and finds herself keenly sympathetic to the plight of the young ladies Mr. Collins means to evict from Longbourn. 

Though Mr. Darcy has set out to cheer his aunt after the loss of her husband and daughter, he does not approve of the scheme that brings her such solace, and fears the Bennet sisters might not be the balm to Lady Catherine's spirits that his sister is certain they are.

But Lady Catherine proves she is not so broken down from her bereavement, and certainly able to hold her own, just as much as Elizabeth Bennet and the indomitable Charlotte Lucas.

I posted the first half of Mr. Collins' arrival at Longbourn to claim his inheritance yesterday at Diary of an Eccentric, and today I will share the rest of what unfolds when Lady Catherine, Mr. Collins, and the Darcy siblings turn up unexpectedly at Longbourn, where a deliciously mischievous Charlotte and the five Bennet sisters have congregated with their Uncle Gardiner to discuss plans for the future....

There was a snort of laughter from the back of the room. Miss Elizabeth froze, pressing her lips together. She was even lovelier than she had seemed upon first notice, wearing such a look of mirth. Her attitude signaled some little secrecy; Darcy stared at her as she began rummaging through some items on the desk, and the eldest Miss Bennet soon moved to join her. She closed the worn red cover on one of the ledgers and slid it to Miss Elizabeth, who had reached for a packet of papers from the plain, quiet sister. With a significant look and subtle gesture, this packet was handed off to Miss Bennet, who hastily tucked into her spencer. The entire tableau was enacted silently, unnoticed by Lady Catherine and Mr. Collins, for Miss Lucas was positioned in such a way as to block their view. Darcy suspected this was by design, and slowly began to edge that way.

Miss Bennet softly coughed as Darcy approached – Miss Elizabeth swiftly scooped the red ledger into her arms and turned to offer Darcy a weak smile. She had moved too hastily – her right hand brushed the spilled ink, and the smear went from the end of her little finger up to her wrist. Darcy produced a handkerchief and offered it to her, but Miss Elizabeth hesitated. Her eyes dropped down to the ledger; she shifted it to her left arm, smearing more ink across her sleeve. Darcy took her right hand in his and dabbed at the ink smear with his handkerchief. He heard her draw in a sharp breath, and a moment later she set down the ledger and took the handkerchief from him, wiping at the ink herself. “Thank you,” she murmured, flexing the fingers of her stained right hand.

Mr. Darcy nodded, fidgeting with his own bare hand now; he picked up the red ledger from the desk and opened the cover. He had but a moment to peruse the figures before Miss Elizabeth abruptly cleared her throat and thrust the handkerchief back at him, her fingers curling around the top of the ledger. Her eyes darted away from his probing gaze and she cried out, “Charlotte! Are you quite well?”

Miss Lucas had been holding her own in the face of Lady Catherine’s inquisition up until now – Darcy rather thought she was enjoying the verbal assault; only when she looked back at Miss Elizabeth did her bearing change. “Forgive me, I begin to feel quite unwell.” Miss Lucas promptly swooned.

Darcy felt the ledger slide out of his grasp as he was obliged to catch the mischievous woman, who had managed to faint in his direction. Mr. Gardiner called out for the housekeeper to fetch some smelling salts, everyone else reacted with noisy solicitude, and for a few minutes, chaos prevailed. By the time Miss Lucas had roused and Darcy had extracted himself from the cluster, a glance back over his shoulder revealed Miss Elizabeth Bennet standing by the fireplace, stoking the flames.

 

***

 

Elizabeth let out a sigh of relief as the red ledger burned. Though she could not feel any remorse for what she had done, she had heard enough of Mr. Collins’ drivel to know that such a man was too foolish to be reasoned with. She was less certain of her cousin’s lofty friends. Lady Catherine seemed shrewd enough to be capable of discerning what Elizabeth and her sisters had been about, but she appeared to have escorted Mr. Collins with the express purpose of mitigating his greedy vitriol. Mr. Darcy, however – Elizabeth could neither like nor understand his presence. She was sure that he was suspicious of her; she smiled brightly at him as she stoked the fire. He glared back at her, and Elizabeth could well imagine what he must be thinking. He had caught her out, and even now stood in judgement of her actions, he who knew nothing of what she had suffered – and this, in her own home, as she was even now about to be turned out of it.

Meanwhile, Charlotte was really enjoying herself. She had never feigned a swoon in the whole course of her life – she was far too practical for such coquetry, and yet in such circumstances, it had been the most prudent course of action.

Mr. Collins attempted some chivalry upon discovering Charlotte to be an heiress, and was garrulously attentive in helping her to a chair, admiring the “very desirable delicacy of refined females.” Lydia groaned loudly, and Kitty coughed.

“The great shock of your arrival and the prodigious concern I feel for my poor orphaned friends – I was suddenly quite overcome,” Charlotte said, fanning herself theatrically.

Mr. Collins took her hand in his. “Of course you were, my dear Miss Lucas. I should not wish to be inhospitable, fair neighbor – whatever you require, I am your humble servant.”

“I only need some air – I had meant to take a walk in the garden when you all arrived, as Mr. Gardiner has some business with his nieces. Should you and your friends like to accompany me?”

He offered her an obsequious smile and a strange sort of half-bow. “Indeed I should, another time – alas, I believe my business with my fair cousins is far more pressing, and Mr. Gardiner’s presence a fortuitous thing indeed, for he is the head of their family, or has been until today.”

“I will walk with you, Miss Lucas – Brother, may I?” This came from Miss Darcy; the timid creature looked up at her scowling brother, who hesitated before giving a terse nod of his head.

Elizabeth crossed her arms in front of her chest and stepped away from the fireplace, moved at last by this proud stranger’s obvious derision – he seemed to think Charlotte scarcely suitable to escort his sister outside, when he had neither right nor reason to have come to Longbourn in the first place. She was on the point of saying just that, as Charlotte and Miss Darcy slipped out of the room, but Lady Catherine precluded her.

“Let us not be so hasty, Mr. Collins,” the great lady drawled. “I should like to have a better look at the Misses Bennet before you vex them with your nonsense. Come here, Miss Bennet. You appear a pretty, genteel sort of girl. Kindly turn around, sweet child.” Jane did as she was bid, her serenity tinged with hope and uncertainty. “No, the side view is what I want – yes, quite as I expected,” Lady Catherine observed, raising her fingertips to the tip of Jane’s chin. “There are distinct social possibilities in your profile.”

The dowager smiled her approval and then rounded on Elizabeth, who had drawn protectively closer to her elder sister. “And you – Miss Elizabeth, is it? A little bolder than your sisters, I see. Yes, well! That is a fine thing, too – and such excellent posture – style largely depends on the way the chin is worn – very high at present. Just like so.” Lady Catherine paused long enough to cast a sweeping gaze of appraisal over Mary, Kitty, and Lydia – she nodded graciously at them before giving a deliberate sniff and turning her attention back to Elizabeth. “You and Miss Bennet are certainly of a marriageable age, that is something. Are any of your younger sisters out in society?”

Elizabeth arched an eyebrow at the inquisitive older woman. “Yes ma’am, all – or at least, they have been, before we were obliged to go back into mourning. I am sure they shall be again at the end of it.”

“All? What, all five out at once? Very odd. And you only the second. The younger out before the elder ones are married! Your younger sisters must be very young.”

Elizabeth spared an affectionate sideward glance at her younger sisters. Kitty and Lydia had been chastened into silent submission when their uncle discovered them eavesdropping – the fear that their pocket money should be revoked seemed now to pale in comparison to the intimidating awe the great lady inspired in them. “Lydia is not seventeen. Perhaps she was full young to come out last year, but we had all been in want of company during our mourning for our father, and again since we have lost our mother. I shall not be the one to deny her share of society and amusement – the last born has as good a right to the pleasures of youth as the first, and we have all endured much beyond what is common for young ladies of such an age.”

There was a twinkle of amusement in the dowager’s eye, but Mr. Collins had grown irritated and began to fidget and sigh – whether it was a want of notice for himself, or the impertinence of Elizabeth’s reply, she could not say. But Lady Catherine was just as keen to vex him; she paid him no heed at all. “Upon my word, you give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person. Pray, what is your age?”

Elizabeth was tempted to reply that with three younger sisters grown up, she could hardly own to her age, but she thought the better of it – Lady Catherine was likely to prove an ally against Mr. Collins, so long as Elizabeth did not trifle with the great lady’s dignity. “I am one-and-twenty.”

“I see you are all in gray – when is your year of mourning up?”

“We have six more weeks, ma’am.”

Here the dowager appeared impressed. “It speaks well of your characters that you have not been remiss in honoring your late mother. Another time, I should like to hear more of her. But with five daughters all so close in age, I fear she must have been quite a slave to your education.”

“No indeed,” Elizabeth said cheerfully.

“Ah – you must have had a governess.”

“No, never.”

Lady Catherine was taken aback. “That is most distressing to hear. Do you play and sing, Miss Elizabeth?”

“A little,” Elizabeth replied drily.

“Do your sisters play and sing?”

“All but the youngest, though we had intended to instruct her.”

“Instruct her? What, yourselves?”

Now Elizabeth gave a wry smirk. “I cannot think it would be so difficult. We – Jane and Mary and I – have taken on other pupils from the village, and done tolerably well, ma’am.”

Lady Catherine flinched as if she had been struck. “Taken on pupils?”

Mary stepped forward, linking her arm through Elizabeth’s as she faced down the dowager. “We mean to open a school, your ladyship.”

“A school?” Mr. Collins could keep quiet no longer, and began to speak over Lady Catherine. “So that is what you have been up to, you sly creatures. This is most shocking – such upstart pretension, such usurping – I had thought you all very wicked indeed, but this is beyond the pale! I see what you are about. This is why you have kept me away, kept me from what is mine – but I will not allow it!”

“Mr. Collins,” Mary gasped. “Does not the Bible say, let women be the teachers of women? I cannot account for your objections, sir – we had not meant to use Longbourn for such a purpose.”

“No indeed,” Lady Catherine drawled. “I shall wager a guess your estimable Miss Lucas has dedicated her home to the purpose – ah, I can see I am quite right, Well! You can have no objection to that, Mr. Collins – though I wonder that their uncle allows it. Of course, the elder are of age, but even so – but perhaps he cannot support you all in the manner to which you have been accustomed.” Mr. Collins and Mr. Gardiner both began to protest, but Lady Catherine held up a hand to silence them. “You must be wonderfully accomplished – but to teach, what a waste for such pretty girls!”

“Lady Catherine,” Mr. Collins cried. “Now that I think upon it, why, yes, what a fine thing indeed! Indeed, yes, I must retract my previous objections – you are clearly most eager to be off – to begin your new enterprise – but I think it the most appropriate thing – if your uncle cannot offer you any assistance, certainly you cannot expect that I would be required… well, perhaps we had better leave it at that. Yes, the only real question is how quickly you mean to remove to Lucas Lodge.”

“You have some nerve, young man,” Mr. Gardiner thundered. “Two years these girls have kept this estate afloat, and you would expect them to be gone the moment you waltz in out of nowhere – it would serve you quite right if they had let it fall into a shambles! You ought to be thanking God – and my nieces – that you shall find it quite the reverse. I can only be glad you are no longer a parson, if this is your idea of justice – it is not right, sir! And as to the school, your ladyship, I find we are quite in agreement on the matter – but it is a family matter and I will not discuss it at present.”

Kitty and Lydia had been uncharacteristically quiet – this tranquility was now at an end, for they both put themselves forward at once. “You must speak to Lizzy,” Lydia wailed, latching onto their uncle as Kitty burst into tears beside her. “Tell her, Uncle – Jane, Mary, you cannot mean it, not when you promised that you would not leave us.”

Jane wrapped a comforting arm around Kitty. “Hush, dearest – this is hardly the time,” she whispered.

Though Kitty was easily silenced, Lydia was unshakable. “Lizzy,” she cried, “I cannot think why you should wish to send us off to London without you. Mary, perhaps – but not you and Jane – and you promised you would always look after us.”

“We are looking after you,” Mary insisted. “If you heard our plans through the door, you must know the rest of it, too – we shall do what we must, for your sakes.”

“But what about Uncle’s plans? You need not sacrifice yourselves like this – please, Lizzy!”

Nearly moved to tears herself, Elizabeth took Lydia by the hand and drew her away from their uncle, into a sideward embrace. Lydia had always given her the most trouble of all the sisters, but beneath her mischief was simply a deep and desperate desire for affection. “Dear Lydia, do not distress yourself,” Elizabeth said sweetly.

Mr. Collins cleared his throat before taking on a posture that might have been authoritative in a man of sense. “Indeed, young cousin – this is most indecorous – there is no cause for you to work yourself into such a state!”

Lydia let out a short shriek of rage. “No cause? No cause? This is all your fault. I am sure Uncle was about to make a better plan with Jane and Lizzy before you turned up out of nowhere to turn us all upside down. I knew how it would be, when your nasty sister came to snoop and sniff about us.”

Lady Catherine had viewed Lydia’s outburst with no more dismay than a raised eyebrow. “Mrs. Entwhistle was here, was she?” She gave a derisive snort.

“Sir,” Jane said, meekly imploring the red-faced man. “Cousin Susan indicated your own father passed not long after ours – is it not possible that our missives simply went astray?”

“Cousin Susan indeed,” Mr. Collins scoffed. “If not for my dear sister, I might have been deprived forever of what is rightfully mine. She told me all about your cunning, your calculated deceit! Of course you should have no wish to make way for me – I know all about your mother – she was nobody at all before she aspired to marry a gentleman of property, and you are just as grasping, determined to hold on to what is no longer yours.”

“Mr. Collins,” Elizabeth snarled, ready to deliver a scathing set-down – but her cousin cut her off and continued to harangue them.

“Obstinate, headstrong girls, I am ashamed of you – that I should have such relations! You have all conspired against me – it is insupportable! I mean to take possession of the house directly, as I ought to have done immediately upon the death of your father, and I am sure I must be due some compensation for my inheritance being willfully withheld from me these long years.”

Mr. Gardiner took a menacing step closer to Mr. Collins. “Now, see here sir! Nothing was withheld from you, not in my estimation. My sister and her girls dispatched two separate letters, and I sent one to your father before Thomas Bennet had even been laid to rest. What more were they to do, chase you about the countryside, begging you to displace them? Ruin their reputations corresponding with some strange gentleman? Not that you deserve the word, you doddering dunderhead. You can hardly accuse my nieces of any wrong-doing, when they made such efforts even in a state of terrible grief. They have paid the taxes and servants’ wages, collected the rents better than my poor late brother ever did – look at you, I daresay you scarcely take my meaning, you pompous fool! Indeed, I would go so far as to say you owe them – they have done far beyond what any good steward would have done, far better than I wager you shall manage forthwith.”

Vindicated as she felt, Elizabeth could not dispel her mortification – and some little rage – at the scene unfolding in front of perfect strangers. She cast a desperate glance at Jane, who seemed at once to understand her. “Lady Catherine, Mr. Darcy, might we show you the garden?” Jane offered them a weak smile.

Mr. Darcy said nothing at all, his gaze conveying more displeasure than words possibly could, but Lady Catherine looked positively unperturbed despite the palpable tension in the room. “You dear girl, I am sure you must be wishing us miles away – but perhaps we ought to retreat and recuperate. Mr. Collins, let us take our leave, for now; we shall call again tomorrow, and start afresh.”

“Lady Catherine, I cannot countenance such insult, such ill-usage as I have encountered here today. I believe I really must insist on proceeding now as I see fit – I am the master of Longbourn, and as such I must endeavor to assert my authority – I cannot be so worked on by such artful females, and bullied about by women in my own home – and a tradesman besides!”

“I insist you withdraw to the village with us, sir, if you wish to continue enjoying my friendship. Carrying on in such a manner will more likely lead to fisticuffs than any productive proceedings. Really, Mr. Collins! You have been the master of Longbourn for a mere three quarters of an hour, sir, and already you have taken leave of your senses, to be speaking to the orphaned and widowed in such a way. Heaven and Earth! Are the shades of Longbourn to be thus polluted? Have you no sense of duty, honor, decorum? Think of the gratitude you owe me sir, in coming all this way to assist you – you have disregarded everything I have told you, and insulted these poor girls in every possible manner – you can have nothing left to say to them. They are a gentleman’s daughters, after all, and cannot be accustomed to such language as you have stooped to – it is not to be borne, sir!”

Lady Catherine had finished with Mr. Collins, who shrank back with mortification; she turned now to address Mr. Gardiner. “Perhaps we might reach some happy resolution on the morrow – if you would attend a private meeting, sir, I shall be happy to mediate the matter further between Mr. Collins and yourself. I trust the inn must have some manner of private rooms for such a purpose; you may attend us there at half past nine tomorrow. Bring one of your nieces, if you like – I can see the impertinent one with the bright eyes is their ringleader of sorts, but Miss Bennet seems a good, pretty sort of girl – and surely she has some right, as the eldest, to not be overlooked.”

Lydia looked at Lady Catherine with brazen admiration. “Mamma always said Jane is the beauty of the county.”

“It is what every mother of daughters must say at some time or other – though I daresay your mother had more right than most to do so – ah, but I mean no offense, of course, to your excellent Miss Lucas – I like her very well indeed. She seems a young woman of remarkable talent.”

Here Mr. Darcy began to cough. His face turned red as Elizabeth looked over at him with a great impatience for his departure; he turned his back to her, staring out the window as he recovered himself.

Mr. Collins let out several short sniffs of indignation, and seemed to be building up for another feckless rant, but Lady Catherine grabbed him forcibly by the elbow and began to fairly drag him toward the door. “I see Mr. Collins grows impatient for us to be off. I believe he must be over-tired. My nephew Richard was wont to act with the same petulance, when he was seven years old. And so we will take some rooms at the inn and rest ourselves. Fear not, Mr. Collins, that the other children will play with your things while you slumber – I am sure you shall have your own way in the end, or near enough, now come along before I am obliged to drag you out by the ear. Good day to you all.”

***

Lady Catherine will prove a force to be reckoned with in this novel, and Darcy & Lizzy have a rocky road to romance with such a beginning as this  - there are plenty of surprises in store for readers, and the twists and turns of the tale will bring other beloved Austen characters into the fray as well!

Stay tuned for more excerpts and more chances to enter the giveaway….